I wish it were like this, boy meets girl who likes girls, and boy that likes boy likes girl that likes girl. Somewhere my world is turned upside down in queerness and during this month of Pride, I force myself to view my identity and shred my identity, the scared version.
I haven’t worn makeup in about 3 years and it makes me feel like I’ve lost my luster for art and vibrancy.
I applied to some jobs and finally got over my fears, also after 3 years so hopefully everything will be righteous on the homestead soon and the greener pastures will receive much, much bountiful rain. That’s a prayer. I prayed today for the first time in years.
Overcoming a health crisis is one thing, being medicated is another. Then getting back out there, woof. That’s the part they don’t tell you about. Enjoying unemployment, and feeling like a curtain of dead-weight under it. Idk which has been more freeing or more hell-like.
Here’s to the starving artists; I bought some vegan strawberries n’ cream protein powder. Cut the fat, gain the mass. Same as a job. It’s all a job. This is a job for wheat pennies and I hit my climax of panic.
I yelled Shut Up at my mother after hearing the same thing about money and applications for money and making money and yet there’s no money to be made. Everything sucks and is out of control, but I bought some protein powder; how cool.
And it should be better than that, but Im not confident. This is a journal entry and I rather find myself starved than know my brain has been tinkling for days now waiting for the edge to write. I’ve got a come up with the words and not shams. That’s tricky.
petrichor - archive 