You little fool, you went right to my heart.
Heart Aching moaning honky tonking stoned raising cane alone in my room, when I’m just doing the good thing.
Avoiding you and loving my little world of dreary where I’m so high and appreciated. The music is always on.
I remember that’s how you would wake me up at night when you came home.
5 minutes before the 555 alarm just to get extra time with me and turn my 10 Disc Flipper Aristocrat Speaker down.
Life used to be so good.
My Ex never lived in Texas at least.
We split four corners.
I got Arizona, he got New Mexico, we share Nevada, and Colorado was Vacation Land.
He was playing Catan with me the whole time. Castan, Catan, and Backgammon his favorite games.
I still don’t know how the fuck to play backgammon.
It’s because I don’t get checkers.
But we love chess and I’m much better at chess than he his. He always wins but I always get the points.
It’s like taking his extra fries at this point.
I’ve always had a knack for travelers.
I’ve been everywhere but I watch what life I talk about with people.
The 68 year old or the 24 year old.
I have both.
You don’t attend public school and have 50 years of bullies to look downcast.
My first one.
Omg her name was Julie but I’ll keep the last name private.
She’s still married to her cheating dog husband and I saw them recently grocery shopping.
Other than the cheating and his terrible highschool girlfriend, they seemed to look the same just silver.
And she’s still beautiful with beautiful hair.
But her mentality just seemed… downshift broken.
Like a stick shift and everything works but 3.
Sad.
And I’ve always been proud of my Sadness and Sad Smile.
I’m Shy too but with all on my mind, I just want to keep writing.
Oooh now Oh Lonesome Me by Johnny Cash.
An even better vibe!
And maybe the 4th Dimension of Dreamland can give me a fucking break. I get it, people are hurt and I don’t talk to them anymore.
The exes are different.
I read a Psychology Today article today about Intellectual Overexcitability and it mentioned the vigilance of depression monitoring in young students so they don’t fall out so to say like I did.
Even reading an article like that got me excited and jolted the writing.
Otherwise, I’m not sure.
My exes of past I’ve known so long and haven’t seen but our public lives and work somehow keeps us close. I know them too well and we’re all much too talented and intelligent to not read the signs.
Everyone’s on board and in love right now.
There’s so much work to do and so much to muse.
The battlegrounds are up and I love it.
It’s vigilant but no viruses or hacking!
I get so much spam though.
Imagine Men owning their companies or restaurants or jobs.
And they write handwritten notifications and emails to me.
I’m subscribed but they’re specialty.
That’s Love.
Sometimes annoying but better than a billboard or speaker outside my window I couldn’t hear because of my own in all its siren esque. I play too much Townes Van Zandt for it not to be effective, Our Mother The Mountain playing currently.
What was it.
I’ve been rewatching How I Met Your Mother [i realized I forgot to mention because I got excited. The Dopler Vs. Dahmer Effect Episode. That’s the notification game to me. I’ve seen both. ]and it’s finally to Season 9 and I realize in all my nueroticness and being anal about show lineups as a kids watching cable, I certainly covered series in entirety without having to DVR it.
I’ve done it with American Dad and Family Guy basically the whole time they’ve been on but the first time I noticed was watching Avatar: The Last Airbender.
Only 3 season but I really accomplished that as a kid and it made me proud when I rewatched it all the way to the Sozin’s Comet Arc.
These were my 4pm and 9pm slots to determine when I switch the channel or I’d go to eat with my parents before they moved out when I was in the 8th grade.
Jobs took em and we thought Mom would stay home.
Even if she was just drinking and gambling all day but home, I’m not sure how I would’ve turned out if she didn’t become a Nanny.
I told her recently my parents gave up being parents at 40 with all their own problems. I’ve forgave but it still stings.
Now I wonder what life would look like with my dad home in retirement not that far away.
I think in the least, lagom and hygge it.
Two Scandinavian terms I enjoy. Synchronicity and everything.
Oooh now Train of Love. This and Rock Island Line have been my fucking jam from the Cash Mans.
Now I’m distracted.
I got jumping bones and wanna dance and sing now.
I told myself Id do yoga and workout soon.
I just want it to be hot.
I’ve lost enough weight and put on muscle I want the sun while I workout.
Till then, as I sit in hoodie and long socks and thick quilt instead of my beaten golden lovely geometric print grey, mint, and white blanket. It’s always green and grey blankets for me. That’s what makes Sam happy, but it’ll be fine.
I’m happy.
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