Derogatory regard for me and my ways.
Any participation in the joyous
Bonaventure of acting-vice
That is really vice.
The act-natural accord of myself.
Telling every gawtdamn hippie-cell
In the brain of my alltime brains.
Trying to convince Iām not a punk-chancy.
Panic-attack symptom soother.
Go write about it.
Put up the cancer cloth.es.
Well is it excessive weāre weāve gotten.
Perused all my sweaters itās getting too. .
Just because I donāt leave the house doesnāt mean I canāt dress up a little.
Makes me think of rich-people and wannabees.
They always wear sweats around me.
How do I convince myself to wear the namebrand-good-sweats, again. ,
Undeserving, why even ask that?
I bought em, shit.
And I put myself back there.
The simplest joy of adventure
In some ditsy ass combo
I didnāt make up on the spot.
Youāve seen me do it before.
And thatās why I question myself.
In all my lives and persona to identity.
What do I accost I learned about myself in a live
Lived working hard.
Living the lifestyle of a life of working hard for work thatās hard to handle
Mentally.
And then just uh – yuh, I grew as a person personally
In my own mental accord.
Like my conscious and I be discussing
And philosphizing on my existence.
Along the way.
Even if I didnāt talk much.
Havenāt had a marker or a mark or a handler
Since I was 26?
I coudāve told someone that when I was 32.
Havenāt guess I will now.
Trembling at my own persistence to persue
My adoring
Fucking great
Personality.
I used to think that was an insult.
Then like –
I realized I was pretty cool.
I think Iām cool
Dumb as shit, but
An intellectual.
And like caring if I donāt wear clothes
That looks like iām gonna ryukyu ninja jutsu
Someoneās ass in the street if they look at me wrong.
Bro itās just my jammy-jams.
And thatās how I piss myself off again.
Are old people like this in their mind too?
Gently embarrasing for internal inside joke with oneās self?
I suppose that means I have a good relationship with myself.
Honest with all my hardship then I like
Go do some other shit 7 minutes later.
Or preplan for 37 minutes and go do it.
Or avoid for 4 hours to 14 days to 4 years.
These are my usual schedules .
OH numbers, I love your cold austere stare.
Concrete in your logic and I am loving you agin.
This is why Iām a cheat.
01010001010 I know you mentioned.
Dishonest, yet.
I loved the book.
Long for it, too much now.
Scared to see my highlighter annotated
Scribbles.
Doodles and messages.
You read my book I wrote to you
That wrote back to you
In your writings to me in your book.
Iām help.ess drowning circumnavigating
How tf do I tell you
Iām ancy when you write ā
āBecause like well, I think youāre better than me.
And the 2nd asshole you want to kick in the family first
Is like the best editor I know
And who taught him how to write
And like inspired me to write
After he houndogged me about et for probably a good
36 degrees of existence and a man-made paradox to space and time itself later.
You gots me.
Listening to Kitty Wells
Ready to holler and kick Hankās ass.
For songs about cheating.
And Leonards poems about cheating.
Iām the only damn one that didnāt cheat in my marriage
And Iāve been divorced almost 4 decades.
The only people I hang out with.
Why the hell did he have to get me pregnant.
Doing what he done did.
Never trust the pointdexter in the corner.
Motherfucker thinks too much
And donāe read the conterversials shits.
And now I got like 3,000 grandkids and theyāre all over 52.
Ya canāt tell me I was the cheat in this situation when I gave you 14
And 4 others.
One each, I think.
Iām sure.
I donāt wanna feel so bard + bad
That I gotta count on my fingers if everyones in the room.
Then I donāt remember how much I gotta remember because the richter scale of generation is complicated.
Everyones uncle is younger than them.
And Iām the oldest auntie out of em all.
And the only real female of the family, like whether I got adopted up in this shits
And married the elder.
Broke ass maid in made-up-queries
And awful romance bit-clips later.
Like.
I donāt know what to do with it mane.
Whatās my ageā¦
OH, I got cooked.
And now
I just have to legally abide by 24.
6 days straight of Han and water-torture exercises
For zhe cancsies that are just like
Cancer treatment in another nation
And military standard.
But like ya knoooowwwwwww..
It kicked my ass at 7 years old the first time I did Han and the 3rd time my cancer went terminal.
It goes quick.
This is the worst
And most comfortable time itās been terminal.
Prepped for months and none of these intelligence
Worker geezers even fucking noticed.
Go-bags with straps, elder cardigans.
The fancier fanny-pack Iāll call it that.
Holds the shadey-shades, 2 vapes always, a cart, a silver hairclip and da g-buds
Me earbuds.
But I think itās funnier to gcall it that.
Oggling in Googols.
What am I gonna do when I get old again?
Those ancient fucks.
Never date older men.
Theyāll remember you
Hear your voice in the wind
And stay around forever
Trying to work out a forever with you.
Iām 67
And frankly, for a mundanely extraordinary life and circumstance and so forth.
Most of my exes are centenarians.
That means over 100, dawg.
How are they still sexy and charming as hell and thoughtful while Iām alzheimers blinking
And go monotone empty non-verbal depressed and play a puzzle while we cuddle
And can remember every hotel room
Barracks
Shitty apartment
Someoneās room.
A 5ft tall chest freezer in someoneās corner of a garage I start sleeping on bc Iām hot
āitās pregnantā
Holds industrial ice cream
And highly supportive with those old shellac molds.
Mint blue applique
And someone someone said another name for that shade.
Shaded me, hmph.
I wondered.
And suddenly everyone references
And that catches me.
Youāre telling on yourself, Samantha.
I never said shit,
Why youād have to go and find and read it?
Sounds peculiar to me, that Iām in the hotseat for well;
Working hard.
At my job.
petrichor - archive 