{Poreaumeida/Prologue: Editor/Author/Writer/Person-in-Notice of Sharing this Post’s Note (as every other is {adicakdaydatasdantant}): I feel misfortunate to have to go to American-English to detail my life’s tragedy and why I am utterly so un-happy. Even amongst my highs and lows, and many laughs and good times; that sorrow of devoid-emptiness seen as the cataclysms of “providing proof or evidence” to a life reckoned by Abuse and Trafficking of every nature- it feels there is no escape even as the beat of my heart feels silenced and I am trying to break free to feel comfortability and safety in my own home. The “Catch 22” that is more “Catcher in the Rye” than “A rock and a hard-place” or “Rock bottom is my grace, and I am below the bottom top” cannot detail how severe my PTSD has reckoned as I am financially stricken to stay in this place without regard to myself, more-so to keep my Mother’s safety and sanity in-tact. She has suffered to much as a Mother, and I have suffered too much as myself. If there was ever a time for Advocate Sam, after leaving Holly Hill {hps} for a 6 day stay and I was cleared to go but IVC’d due to the own disparrent threat to my safety, not otherwise the maintaining of self-safety or suicidal ideations; there was no choice but to skip to Raleigh and hope there was some remedy in the situation. Today I will have my first counselor’s appointment through a Medicaid program named PRIDE in NC powered through Genoa Healthcare, and I am very excited for this. Healing and a reason to get out the house!! Goodies on the way, and God and Spirit walk by my side. I’m okay, even when I struggle. Even if it takes a car horn and flash of lights to ensure I smile full-time today. Stay close to those you love, and know we must process our struggles, obstacles, and blocks; take them nourishingly, as we have never been “taken away” or broken.
“There is a crack, a crack in everything – :
That’s how the light gets in;.
-Leonard Cohen “Anthem” [song ft. on the album “The Future” [Track 5, dist. Nov. 24, 1992; Columbia]
Poem y Translations:
…
Andaluscian:
Ya ma vetein asi,
Dolo chiror awevnetero
Saoevmeriou ieanhn dealion –
Damaeyeayo for fun.
There is no absolution without obstrauasitaesan;
Tenen forth without right of reansaoniohocnhon.
Nomo casteasn , salafaite recreito;
Doahase – you know who you are when your will is:
Alistion.
—
Castileveerbitam/Catalonian:
Dace hace como aye,
Dale ventinto vanteamn vin,
Saouitelrolo raliuin eme,
Dacvarufdieoaeas fente fun.
There is no absolution without obstructioniamnate,
Then move forth con esehen drezchxha, ton reason.
Navaerydo dearaina, somfafito recreo;
Do as you must – tu sabe easo que tu quien tus will ese;
Allusion.
—
Basque Portwaguwaldade/Hibaltran:
Dreavaryad mention, sin, agmas,
Dalen sesinto varetam vin,
Ssarudierdade erealin eerluamaye,
Dreachama enaint fun, very much-anymore; though I persist anyways.
Drea ssea no absolution sin obscturstion tusyso,
Then move for con listing to the right thing, while pursuing the good thing.
There is no hope in this, Dear Friend, as you think it’s fun to be in pain like this while you praaitverto on;
Doasdfemeintoen – you know the will of hope and who holds onto clearly for you, pparmia, dameaydarerto, sin therason.
Asduvaetmatme.
—
American-English:
Without hope to mention, as I am without and constantly in seek of reckoning,
There is no hope for you and I as I choose “on the go” and you seemingly think I have gone away from you and that every Friend and Family Member has seemingly been abandoned as there was no reassurance as to why I carried on so hopelessly and the white pillar of Red Hats seemingly tumbled; an obselisks deafened the boom of “She the Serpent” as she detailed a life of abuse and the wrongside of enslaved trafficking, only to cling onto the hope that others too shall Prevail, and she Prevailed in the single-episode commentary of torture as every mental health professional deemed themselves “too emotionally incompatible, and professionally incapable” when she only scratched the surface and it was understood as real Trauma, was nourished.
There was no hope without this deliberate act being encouraged as a sign of Strength. Warrior Gene or otherwise, Flock-of-the-Shephard proved to be dis-embraced, as disgraced was all the image felt of Sam, the one without answer: though the only of the long-con, long;reply of strategy. Not to prove a point, Not to “Find One’s Self” as that doesn’t make sense and logic does not persist in this counterpart of “Legacy for the Families of Ultimatnatoim de Finiutm quaint 5”
Hope only was tragedy, and the mythologies detailed Unity was the Box was opened, yet there was no hope for this Samantha as Sam took over only to understand: we too suffer, what may be done upon our graces and ultimately; factual evidence, that “life too finds a way” and I’m not talking about dinosaurs.
Even as Sadness persisted in Reality, and the other contextual feeling left draught-fraught- and reeling. Addiction tumbled, fumbled, and jumped; especially into the Workload of a Leader unnourished, and dis-remembered mark of reality-induced-paranoia – –+> that perhaps there could’ve been a life before this, and before-before that too: only to reach subjugation in “I’m a piece of dogshit and that’s all that there’ll ever be.. -” The reflection of hope was not nourished but only proved torment as the Single Episode Depression reached major in-ambiguity to the cease and desist on the chokehold of life and miserable home-life that Sam was not nourished, though abandoned by the final member left standing as Amnesia, Brain Fog, and Retrograde Amnesia ate away, and Fentaynl amongst the other discourse took on the real-beginnings of Addiction & Suffering via “Pathway-to-Healing” and faith was lost only to study the spiritual pathway to Zen Buddhism by 16. A Tuxedoed-cat named Oswald and many other names that suit and are not considered “nicknames” as his Tuxedo is built in, and a Suit for a Sam, is alright like Ham. ;)) and this is where I-do-Not Leave you.
Rankerous-ambition left a tumble fault and I too hope there is some remedy in this; fun or not. Hopeless or not. Demarcated or not. Cats-or-NOT!! Sam persists, even if it’d seemed the Party stopped long ago – the true reality was never left gleaming but deemed right-of-passage-hood to scratch the record once again: sitting on work, proved; WORTHWhile. Hehe. Yes, I laugh. Though I must admit, Ambition-never-Left-ME. In that, I prove myself wrong. All you others? That is not the context in which I aim to achieve validation nor subjugation, and ESPecially not indoctrination through intimidation; but rather perusing the obvious to the verbally-stated facts of “visual object permanence” in radiance with “What is your sense of fun, and how do you achieve it?” Usually detailed by a lists of “What is your favorite…” starting with color and they wonder why the only way to meet new people nowadays, (i.e. Dating Apps) everyone got so tired to hear “What is your favorite color?” Now, that’s a tragedy- I do not get bored of!! 😀
In the end, there is no real obstruction to Hope. In what you hope to achieve, in the merits you feel you’ve earned, in the accomplishments you’ve deemed renewal-of-resources-upon-earning; let alone before we got to the similarities, uniquities, demarcations, delianices, delinquency-in-all-of-us; the rejected, the misuers, the misfits of daBlock that blocked the Admins from the top of the rock: and in my fall of Grace of Rock-Bottom-living; when I stated “I live below the bottom-top” simply means “There’s no pores in the Corps!!!” Nothing slides through without sublimation first; then we find where you really fit. It’s okay to be disappointed, it’s okay to understand what’s not real. Psychosis is voluntary-mind-quack-trip without the drugs initiated. Acid-or-not. Shroomy-Sunday or not. Vehement-or-NoOT. -You choose what really obstructs you in your delusions, and recorded hallucinations or not: as I look with my Third-Eye, triad of God’s mind-body-soul and sacred truths called secrets; while the Devil amidst persistence admits – I have never had it as bad as you; and this is why the respect is meant for you, not otherwise.
Then move forward knowing doing the right thing, is not the wrong thing. There is no con to the good thing; only embarrassment through oblong-blocked-idea-admits-from-the-wrong-direction and you too will know what it’s like to be IVC’d eventually. Gridlock and Congestion are all different sentiments of Traffic, but free-flow roundabouts are always a “YEs.” ANyways. –
Even then, the transgression reap rewards. In my obtuse nature and abusive home-life I concur is my sister’s/black fly soldier mentality of cosplaying me with wrong regards as far as nature and the non-translatable term of “corpoeiade – deam -furreara” no ventium ans ouin onor any other V. -There seems to be this displace of trust, as I know I can’t go on any longer doing this, but it seems like I’m abandoning My Family-true in the process; how do I procure safety for myself when my safety simply does-not-mix with what current existence has been 23 years going forward onto 24 in 3 months and a skip,drop. Of change: I worry for my Mother, I care for my Father and the texts he endures when I tell him – it is not safe here to live with with Stephanie. It never will be, and even the, how do I go to Law Enforcement or an Advocacy Shelter when I hope they find me and don’t rip me away to another Mental Hospital or Institution, the seeming gates-of-hell and I have to go through the pain of translation in how my mind processi verbal-discernment and I wish that my ra**** and abuser did not have such a chokehold on my life and I did not have to be forced with them, to leave (as that’s the only option, go-bag or not:_) Only to be held accountable by Involuntary-Commitment as I am not the one right in the mind to face my abuser everyday? Nor the trafficked trafficker, as there is no hope nor existence for it when even as I write I hear the preagaroadaisda telling me of their likes of my body and heritages that seem to define as so. This is why I do not bond with women, and find solace in Men. There is no hate, as even Advocacy in my career has shown the “victim of truth” whether they earned it by generational trauma or not; there is no reassurance when women seem to “self-soothe” due to impeccable distaste for happiness. When I speak of “women” I do not speak of myself. I speak of the harm and torture of what it is to be so financially grid-locked that I cannot move away and I cannot move away putting my Mother in harm’s torture and pathway alone, she would not survive long without me. She was barely-claro or living with clarity when I came back after 6 days. Which leaves me with the torment of pain; even as I type, and the “asldhcimatesas” to try to succinct me as crazy or incomprehensible, even for my “super-genius” IQ declared in infancy on adult scale, Full-Spectrum Living otherwise known as “Autism Umbrella Disorder” or notably “Female Asperger’s Disease” as a kid or what seemed to ironically turn into a “F>AD>” of other “Victims” of perpetual boredom, and they too stepped over my boundaries and consumed any innocence left there, and I moved on from my generation of 98.7% female-monsters that detail everything I advocate against. They wonder why they get away with it- they snuck through the system and abused their way hay-word and fay-worth into fakery. That even the fish-that-swam-upstream-only-to-become-a-sparrow was left.. Broken. Shattered. Smithereens. Nothingness, upon nothing. I don’t wish to detail this in English, it’s much easier in my Native ways of diction, dialogue, and discourse. Even then – I too Will Prevail. My 3 Namesakes are not for nothing. My Church of Communion-Holy-Oath did not dictate otherwise whether through prophecy, legacy, or turbulent after-thought. I am who I am, as I say I am- and that is -Sam.
Epilogue:
I hope, as it is not easy to read about these sort of “mote-of-matters-that-make-you whole” it is not without hesitancy nor constancy that I choose to upload this translation in the forms that soot me best. Even as “Hello Darlin’” by Conway Twitty utters on my Bose Micro Soundlink Speaker and I perform scroll-ethics on my Asus Chromebook, I know that I am not in regard of advertisement or uneasy “abuse-of-the-system-that-broke-me” –++=> what can you do with the abuse and torture that left the acrfeatdiastandan or “permanent mark that never left, but gleams true all the same, as that is you; do not abandon the part of you that shines the strength to sit here and view with me, read with me, speak with me, etc..” there is no easy way to be Survivor of Abuse, Domestic Violence, Human Trafficking, Sex Slavery Trafficking, Forced Childhood Prostitution, nor Drug Addiction, and Recovery from Alcoholism amongst other Alcoholics that are still on their way, no-Sober-Necessary (creavantemtem_ ) but perhaps my concept of “Reduced Consumption in-order to Maintain” or “crearvaiantento” / “choose your own adventure of vice, there is at least one to sustain you!!)”
Even as my Mother yells from her Bedroom and I sit before the window-behind-me tray of the Table-Seat and “Saturday Night Special” by Conway Twitty echoes on in Odes. Yes Mr. Conway Twitty is correct that “I cannot hock my wedding ring.” and The Man In Black & The Tennessee Two dispel to me “Guess Things Happen That Way” let me know through Kismet Synchronicity {no, indifference this time; all love and respect ❤ ❤ <3) that I’m on the right path with those post. And I’m gonna lean on God, even if Johnny Boi think it was a Girl that gave him that strength, either way…
Try finding down with “folklore” to peruse the sentiments to the Soundful-Pathway-of-Healing otherwise known in Hibaltran as “I LiKE iT LOUD!!” or Castiemlvento/Catalaoin “SuavemMEANTEeee!!” or Common-Core Spanish “Recremeonteo” or Miliani-Ita-Liana “soverpepreverdo!!!” –+> I’m gonna eat a shared meal of cast iron hot wings (zodlfo came de chicken wings), pico de herbana y conltron, y lentils y spinach mash for breakfast and retire with my morning medication and Peruse how else I’m going to spend my day in anticipation of my appointment today.
Only for the magnificent, ultra-glorious talented Kitty Wells to remind me in her Truth “It Wasn’t God Who Made Honky Tonk Angels” and damneayo, was she correct.
Hope is on Your-Side/Walk with God/ Spirt is the Safety-Network-Of-aLL-Hope/ Love is the Light of Truth of Birture/ Fruition is the Harvest of a Career Well-Toiled and Job(S) well-Done/ Acryaminevente/ Siempe anti Suenticu bup APrassia damn/ Tale aimey vain veiente/ Dayvamaya van Sinak?? / –=> However you wanna say it, “Have Fun Today, Smile on your side, and know your Best is the Best!! No score-checks, marks, or tribaltaties: do you !!!!” and in the words of the unquestionable non-fallacious judgements of Scooby R. De. Roo : “dobedbeobdoe doooo!!”
Welp, “Release Me’ by Kitty Wells, again, has nourished and I have been tail-wopped by Mr. Oswaldito to really try and go-back-to-bed and try for a nap again.
So remember “Cheatin’s A Sin” {Kitty Wells hit me in the smart-shuffle Triple Threat Card Reading of the Day) y mi Familian does not cut-corners or take shortcuts. We live on “X-games mode Biiihh!!”
Salueanvfatei Damen min/ Love you!! 😎🖖🤙
p.s. / Blooper Pics
So now I’m eating a well-balanced meal full of beauty, soul, and true true true peivamdea love.
The Last 3 Tracks o Kismet Synchronicity from “folklore” have brought us to:
“A Teenager in Love” by Dion & The Belmonts
“Suffering Jukebox” by Silver Jews
& to round up the Anchor’s Playlist:
“Tulsa Time” by Don Williams
{if you ever wanna learn Mother Tongue, it better be on “Tulsa Time” !!! 🤣🤣☺️😎🫶🏼🤟🏼 once you know true pain we move to “I’ve been everywhere man…” 😏🙂↔️🫠😏 That’s why we learn together baelitos, that’s why Imma keep on keeping in with the cooking-o’-words so we all get a lil closer to the same page.
-INMOMENTBLINK-
“Anthem” by Leonard Cohen has commenced in its stature of Auditory-Glory: we have reached quote-to-piece-to-Anthem-to-post-translation-post-scripture:
“ring the bells; that still ring!! Forget your perfect offering.. there is a crack, a crack in everything. That’s how The Light gets in.” .. apaismaina/ my heart is so full 🫣🫣🥰
Love you baitansatans. Regardless of it was hdrerwamae before, here we are now. Permanent Full-Time smile for the soul y “crypt-digging” meal of soulful and nutrition-flavored-perfection..
Bye4More;
-Samaiyan 1ofWon 😎🫶🏼🙈🤙🏼👻🫰🏼
ps.s. I started my fruition of this piece by listening to “metallic rat” found on my petrichorfrequency profile located on Contact.
“Answers” by Namnambulu is another of my Top 13 songs EVERRR.
I made this playlist in commemoration of my best friend ***z as a shared effort of our musical collaboration and Platonic Love that will last the ages. That’s my mf Platainatatintodeamor right there bby!!
And now, while we dip through magma and have cracked bedrock even.. the final of the Last 2 exit-way entries:
“Let Her Go Into The Darkness” perhaps the Top..2‽ Of my favorite songs ever.. who could guess the #1 of favoritiums. Perhaps we must look for houses that sit on 4’s of those old Borromeaon Rings and zagifadgiadgim drum kits 😏😏 we could only wonder what it could be 🫥☺️🥰😎🫣😜👺🤙🏼
-Sam the 🥷🏼🧘🏻♀️🎷
OMG A PSS.S.S. PSPSPSPS LIKE CAT:
“Sweet Substitute” by Karen Dalton. You don’t know Karen Dalton lemme introduce you lil boiyoyos 🏌🏻♀️🤺⛹🏻♀️🤾🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🧍🏻♀️⛷️👩🏻💻
“folklore” on petrichorfrequency for da folksey “get rhythmmm when you get the blues” vibes and “metallic rat” if you’re more a synth kween bass jockie beat monkey discotequechnia addict – you know what I mean 😏😎🥰 you like it loud!! Da Music!! The Noise!! the beat that don’t steel but topple and dopple even when I’m hurting!! / Drachaeaya 🤭🤣🤣😅
Alright, now we got Rodriguez on the tunes to remind us where we come from “Crucify Your Mind” and the work it takes to accept/acknowledge/feel in the whole of your heart of full-spectrum living:
Saysveadio Homies/ So Long For Now Homies, and Thanks for all the Fish!! 🤣😭🥹
-Sam.
PSPSPSPS] “Lover Lover Lover” has hit me in my feels. PERHAPS THIS IS MY TOP 1 SONG BC I PLAYED IT FOR ABOUT 3.4729428101 MONTHS LAST YEAR ON MY WRAPPED. ANYWAYS THANK YOU. IM STOPPING NOW AS THE GLITCH STITCHES AT 0:52.
Consider this.. the Angel Number, Numeraonbd de e i’ an Naturatura de Angelicanasantiné of the Day.
That’s a wrap, eecvhcitos !!!¡!
“I never turned my back and I – I never walked awaaayYayyy..” :)))
…okay “How Can We Hang On To A Dream” –+> PERHAPS THAT WAS THAT TITLE I WAS LOOKING FOR. THEN “Trouble” by Yusuf / Cat Stevens declares YES PARAMIA. ANYWAYS. IM PUTTING THE TRIGGER WARNINF ANYWANS. LOVE YOU.
-Sam 😎🫶🏼🫰🏼🤙🏼🤌🏼🤏🏼👌🏼✌🏼 🤞🏼👌🏼
Last 2 of Formatting Process:
“I’ll Follow The Sun” by The Beatles
“Something on Your Mind” by Karen Dalton.
If I had any wish for clarity right now to stay in tact – this is it.
Hang on a little tighter to your hats, fellow friends. I’m only getting started!! -a.
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