Tag: Childhood Analytical Rewind

Affirmations are like seeing a little goldbug walk by all-the-time
And making
Friends with beetles
And spiders
And gnats
And the baby moths
Because I misted the mint-green wings of luneta moth;
-not convinced the moth was dead.

Ecology works in funny ways.
What happens after the winged chrysalis disposes another
6-legged pathogen that self cleans everywhere they go
And cleanses the lightbulb every 3rd weekend of the month?
It’s not always caterpillar to butterfly.
And butterflies turn into bees after their second metamorphosis
Chrysalis transformation.
That’s why you can walk around any Spring yard and see about 300 years of Ecology,
And by 444; Succession comes around.

400 Years for an Average,
44 for the minutiae-abundance of the time that allocates.
Just like a leap year.

When you look to the animal-kingdom;
It feels understood in-hindsight.
And somehow the first 1st grade class-science experiments of feeding the butterflies
Sugar-water
When they finally hatch
And misting the eggs that turn to about 2cm chrysalis;
Some were 5inches long and 3inches wide when I went from
West-to-East
And served the same Education every year every 4-years
And it was my fourth time taking on the education system.

Rolling wheel cycles…
And we’ve had this same talk before.
Once the hair turned to purple and blue and green and silver
And my black hair left for questioning about where I’m really from: [not to mention the abundant-piercings from side-eye geriatrics and lame moms and dad’s mad at me bc I make their daughter’s at-home version of splat hair look like shit.] [I learned after 3 times letting other people do my hair in the DIY at-home years… Sally’s Trips ya know. Then it turned to Amazon Orders. I just – you thought yours looked so good and I saw mistakes in your hair, I let you, you fucked my hair: I had a bob then a pixie then a undercut in less than 15 minutes bc my hair was killed and chemically straightned to stringy-cheese-pull-apart glue and lawnmover tufts ripping out. So I ripped it out in pieces and cut the locks. I was in Make-A-Wish: Balds heads don’t bother me, it’s just the double chin thing. I got a round face and get moon-face often. [actual condition stemming from Cancer-Patients regardless of status or nature or remission or not.] Oh Chemo once and Radiation 3 Times in 2002 and I just did it natural every time after. Still kicks to tell you, so fuck it. And I don’t crave cigarettes anymore. There’s still many more in the pack I bought over 2 months ago. Cancer doesn’t mean safety-building-block-pen on Life; it means ya got to celebrate it and pursue as much of it as you can; without breaking down from overabundance of creativity and worsening the condition. What can ya do: Balance It.]

Anyways [ed.note cont.}]
Your-obvious-prejudice-or-not: even I couldn’t give you the straightest answer.
Where I’m from,
Where I’m born.
Where I grew up?
Where I lived the longest:
The cultures I adhere to,
The communities I find solidarity in, even if I didn’t live there.

But I’m not gonna give you a contract story from 3-17 years ago and I’m somehow gonna hit bedrock and someone’s gonna ask why were you there? How’d you get there? Did you make plans to go there? Why there?

And suddenly the World feels like Elementary School all over again.
I had 3 Ph.D(s) by the 5th Grade in 2009/2010.

And I still spell it to-get-her.

I struggle with wondering if all we ever learned just reaches a culminable-bout.

In China in the Song Dynasty about 867BC-713AD the Culture; regardless of Empire of so-on so-forth; remained in-tact-w/Vitality for that long. Until it was essentially “pre-amble” that the Dynasty did in-fact exist for over 1,000 Years to Rule Now.

Imagine one bad day at work and these folks are like ‘YO FUCKING FAMILY AND WHO YOU CLAIM AND CLAIM YOU BEST NOT FUCK UP 700 YEARS FROM NOW AND THROW YOUR ART AND BUSINESS + VIRTUE AWAY.”

Italy’s like that but we just repent for a hail-mary and saving grace bc we do be do be do fucking up; but we be fixing – every light in the house. Eventually.

And then the Cat shatters the Lamp.

And the sting feels like the first sting something broke.

Tinkerbell Cake Topper for my6yo bday cake and I got my own even if it was a shared bday and like I swung the petal-cycler so fast bc I was obsessed with Bakugan and just like wanted to see if it would fly because of the Davinci Parasail-Device and I had read and seen The Davinci Code tons of times. [lot of spirited-commercial flights.] And The Wire. and Sopranos. And watched Simpsons prevail the future and Doctor Who I avoided and Sherlock is what I wanted. My favorite was Dexter and Chopped and American Dad and Slipknot and Deftones and Hollywood Undead by 11 confirmed, and substantiated with tune/watching perusals and merch out the ass. Fandom Kween and NerdyEmpress-Wanna-be-What’s-MY-age-Again?

I was the Grandma of the Group;
No question in establishment by at least a good 4 years old.

I was tall, then I wasn’t.
So it was confusing when I got out the coma or hospital and the little babies my mom would nanny for and call me “mom” asking for upsies and I’m like bro I’m 2 years old watching Blue Clues, Max & Ruby, and Ms. Spider’s Neighborhood Garden and sttin’ entertained with ya kid. Then TBS by 11am. And ABC Family by 2:30pm for a half-hour of Family Matters then Grounded for Life then Fullhouse then a movie then my new-shows-nites.[Ah, Cable. I haven’t had it since 2016.] [I lived my Life by School + Cable Network Seasonal-Scheduling back-in-the-day. So little direction, many choices, and enhanced algorithm nowadays. WoofieMEowmower.]

It’s such a old-person (mostly 37 year olds in-range now that were 22 when they got their facebook profile.) memory/meme to hop over the couch and eat shit and like split a toenail bc the commercials ended. [It’s onnnnN!!! You’re gonna miss it!! DVR was such a blessing back then. I abused On Demand, I did. When Netflix was down what-to-do but curate. Rewind was always wonky to me, but admirable for Football Season back-in-the-day with me Father and like his friends I guess. Community Uncles? Some Marine or Southern Man usually (wherever we were.)]
I did this for That’s So Suite-Life of Hannah Montana and the Disney Channel Games and the Wizards other one because there were more than a few crossovers. [Remember there was a movie and the game was the tiles-breaking lava race online?? Cool af bro. There was a DnD companion one between Wizards and Suite-Life too omg. Those bats; I still have dreams sitting at that computer seeing the different wing-wands popping off. 2008 was such a great year to fuck around and find games on the internet. Displayed apps, now we download apps. Crazy.]
I was in Cali with my Cousins for the Summer watching the first-one. I was like 5 or 6 I think, I’m thinkin’ it was 2006 when it was released and I quite hadn’t turned 6… either way. Just like Epic Moments of Childhood.
Same way any 80s Kid would be like ~yO-YOU_havenNETDAHAdanECTOCOOLERTODAY??
Or like a 40s Brooch [in the 70s.] was the 2007 Version of wearing Green Rubber Bangles and eating Green M&MS.
People think Stoplight cup parties are new.
It’s called germs and you have no social awareness and think any person that bonds with you wants to get in your pants.

That sucks, you-kid.
No Bitches. No Money. [Zero Bitches. Zero Money.]

Frankly, I’m back to Bitch[es.specialidade] No Money.
Bc I’m: Dat Bitch.

Either way,
Even in my age-gap relationship, he makes me feel like the old-one. Not like in a maturity sense, nor a professional sense – bc he’s better at that than I. It’s more like ‘how tf are you so old dude and find so much joy out of life and I’m the one teaching you and showing you things and you’re like clapclap-I-learned-something-new. and I’m like clap-clap [your art inspires me to challenge myself and encourage and you’re so quiet but never quiet around me and our true comfort is in acknowledgement – it’s a healthy relationship. We’re good for each other.] {Corpmans, Medics, and DW0Bs like naturally find their way to each other. Ever notice the Medicine-Corner of a party and everyone has titled back posture and is like tapping their toes and pulling their ears with sneak-enhanced double-fist crown stretch when no one is looking afraid they’re in need of healing and spinal structure alignment and preeopsoitic bends were necessary to achieve healing this in-alignment simply with a stretch… (someone’s gonna think something’s wrong with you. Like coughing in a silent room trying to hold it in. Woof.) [eyedrops and to-go q-tips are a clear sign.] and has a hanky or something to dab their face or wet their eyes. [or the travel kleenex packs; been there kid. Expensive Life when they just end up taking the whole pack every time and I don’t wanna use it bc you snotted the boundary-tissue line and frankly, they’re all fucked now. Just take it. FUcking Thief Snob i tried to help in your most desperate-of-uncomfortable times. {Sales-reps know. Front Desk Staff Understands. Doctors are in Fetal-Position-Crying-Reading-This and the CNAs just sigh and wait to be bitched at for giving someone the whole damn tube or bottle instead of hygiene-administering think it was nice and affordable [you wait to be 36 with half-a-million-dollars in student loans that turns to 3 million and you make 60 million a year 55 years after the loans hit and you still owe 200grand. My guy- go holistic or corpsman.] Or like a go-bag with bandaids or hidden stash of hydrogen peroxide and alcohol pads and saline and ace bandages in their car. We have shit-health to get this far. And were genetically-aspired to research our own disorders and rudimentary-malfunctions.} (they either drink 2 or soju)

Either way,
The hug and kiss comes after in the morning,
The pulse check on my carotid and aero=ochtid (diver lungs’) valves are what wakes me up in the morning.
And the capillary-repulse ocoxo-check on my toes in the middle of the night are the monsters that scare me and cause me to do
Taekwondo leg-extensions where I have unfortunately slipped to the point my foot expands past the edge of the bed.
And I kick my Partner in the balls and now he’s mad at me.
And I better put on fucking Family Guy for him to be awake to [instead of American Dad] while I adrift in nightmare, terrors, restless leg syndrome, and he just checks if I’m breathing or like napkin-picks-me-up [in the blanket.] like a roach in a napkin to move me and elevate me bc the apneas do be happening.
And he can only sleep to 7.18decibels of my snoring.
He can’t go without out now, but over that:
You’re getting up and you’re making that damn coffee.

It’s the only way he likes it besides Starbucks and I’m a Dunkin Gal.

Truly. OG. Cheap. Frugal. Skate. Dated.
I fucking hate the archetype that Service-Members only date other Service-Members; but it’s kinda fucking true.

Blackout Tourism-Tour Weekend go crazy.
There’s a Vegas in Every Country, as is a Reno.