10 Years Ago;
cold turkey and getting clean music meant for laying in bed and now after I’ve achieved Honky Tonk playlist algorithms of Classic Country, I’m going for the years I tuck away when it all went wrong.
Essentially dropping out of school, living alone in a big empty haunted house and I gave up on school that gave up on me. 48th in the States average of education.
I learned so much everywhere else.
And now – Harvard wants me to talk about to go get a job in town. How it all went together with all the blessings from cancer care to enrolling and being back.
I always wonder if my parents remember life when I was little before it went quiet.
I shot my star too early before I wanted to on something that didn’t suit me.
TV or Writing or Screenwriting.
I just wanted poetry, musings, essays, and humorism..I’m not even good at short stories or novels or books and I left all of them in childhood and Youth section with plastic fir trees and building blocks I was never allowed to play in as a kid.
Wishing I had coffee.
Remembering the last time I had sex, was in a cryogenic freezer, shrunken, essentially divorced and estranged, arrested and forced into long term undercover work that I accepted, then work amnesia bc no one came for me until a very traumatic thing happened to me, then my mom moved back in at 19 and im almost 25 and she missed out on all the music and writing I made back in the day all the way to now.
Memories like fish and I’m an octopus.
Where does it all go?
Gogol’s life and my nose was switched for onion quiche.
By the time I made Quiche Lorraine and experimented with 5714, I knew something was up.
I was on a coming of age journey going through miscarriages and menopause I was hiding. And now I’m laying in bed on my period wondering why is it me. 68 and I’m still formidably fertile but can’t have kids. That’s what all those dirtbaths are for. Minerals and I got healthier but the brain is lapsing and the sun is coming out soon and I yearn for outside workouts and yoga and laps around the crab apple tree. And that’s all I did before and everyone thought it was so beautiful in a Snap. Snapchat Queen and now a legend of stories is deleted and tucked safe preserved in archives.
What does a Creator do when they run low on space?
Accept it.
Some things I may want to keep but I don’t retire from my mind it just keeps flowing, and in that – I chose a life of serenity even for being disabled. This is my life and I see what works for me.
Godspeed + God Bless.
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