Journal Entry 6/10/2026 @ 08:53am

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Tinkering, I’ve been. 

Yesterday was Laundry Day and today commences the folding. 

I moved my room around yesterday, trying to usher in something forth coming to all the dust that has gathered up in my laziness, my bleakness, my lack of floor space. I want to use my 12 year old weights and finally shed the lacking. 

I went through my pants and tried on just about every pair and put in a trash bag the remnants. A whole bag full, left for my mother and sister to reap. 

At least now, they’ll have style. While I go back to sweats and elastic pants while my stomach bares with me. I’ve lost 20lbs doing nothing. I haven’t had the appetite but for a fat person that looks like a joyous occasion but I always get bare minimum calories in. I remember anorexic headaches and I can’t go through that again. 

I’m still teetering on applying for jobs, wondering if this is my comeback, wondering if there’ll ever be a comeback. Or if writing will get me where I need to be. Ever. Still waiting. 

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I’ve decided I want to get married soon. 

I turn 26 this year and I think I’m getting ripe in age enjoying singledom and celibacy. 

I want a life to share and to share a life with. 

Someone to cook for. 

Someone to be mindful of. 

To keep me up and keep me steady. 

I want all this change, but I don’t think any of it’s going to come in the form of a person but I don’t want to be lonely forever. 

My family members of this generation have uncharacteristically married “late,” as in, in their 40s. 

So with that in mind, I feel like I’m on schedule to be single. 

I enjoy my free time and I don’t know if I can share that with someone just yet. I’m not sure if that makes me the emotionally unavailable one this time, but it sure does feel like it. 

That’s okay, I suppose.